Let Go and Let Those Who Love You

Beyond everything else, I believe the quality of our connections to other humans is the thing that will both enrich and sustain us. Leaving our comfortable and sometimes ectoplasm covered space to travel and connect can be just the shift we need in perspective as we heal and grow. Two years ago, I went on such a journey that covered Philadelphia, Charleston, Buffalo, Santa Fe, the California Coast and Boston. Lots has happened since then, including a travel adventure halting pandemic that made me so glad I had this healing experience to reflect on and sustain me as I dreamed about explorations to come. This is what I wrote at that time.

I’ve had my share of loss and heartbreak over the past few years. In fact, my inner and outer landscapes were forever changed. One of the hardest things I’ve had to learn, after priding myself for so long on so much independence and self-sufficiency, is to accept help from others and to ask for it when I need it. I’ve come to understand that there is no shame in wanting to connect deeply with others and that needing to love and be loved does not make us weak.

I don’t have a god, but I feel strongly that everything in nature is connected, including our energy in and after this life. I believe that the Universe is vast and, in it’s mystery, holds meaning and purpose that we can’t even conceive of. So, I’ve always been curious about being drawn to the sentiment, “Let go and let God.” I found it comforting, even though it didn’t exactly reflect my beliefs.

I did some deep work this past winter and spring, creatively and spiritually, to reconnect the pieces of myself that had been shattered and scattered through loss and grief. I made a lot of progress, but there was something more I needed.

This summer, I felt compelled to head out on a journey that connected many of the people who have had significant meaning in my life, even though I haven’t been in the physical presence of some of them in 15 years or more. Something in me knew that I needed to be with those who are The We of Me. The stars aligned and a magical journey began.

I went with a few wishes but no real expectations. I went to be in the presence of these important people, and I gave up all illusions of control. Largely, I let others take care of me–planning, making decisions, navigating, transporting–and there was not one bad experience and not one disappointment. On the contrary, everything seemed laced with a bit of luck and magic as people, places and opportunities presented themselves to me all along the way. More than once, I felt the energy of my sister embracing my experience–delighting in the fact that I was not taking lightly the opportunities before me that she never had or ever would have.

And then it occurred to me what I was doing, and it became a constant and soothing refrain: Let go and let those who love you. I needed to truly let go. To float. To be cared for. To be reassured that I am lovable in a way that is deep and can be sustained over decades, over a lifetime and across significant distance. And along the way I also gained confidence that there is an adventurer in me that will benefit from my independence and self-sufficiency. Vulnerability and self-sufficiency are not mutually exclusive but they combine to make us whole.

In the end I am reminded that I have such an amazing network of friends and family–all family, really–at home and afar that I will never be alone or unloved. And the world is there for me to explore it’s external landscapes so that I might re-enrich my internal ones.