I wrote this in the very first steps of my long grieving and healing journey. I was in what I called my summer womb, my local swimming pool, where I typically would swim for 50-60 minutes and cover one or more miles. I felt drawn to the pool on this day, but I did not have the energy to do much more than just float. The poem just presented itself to me, as they often do. This became a kind of mantra for me–“even with a little effort, I will not be pulled under. That is enough for today.” The words have returned to me again and again over the past 4 years.
For me, with the holiday celebrations over and real cold and isolation likely to set in, these are the potentially hard days. It helps to know that spring is on the distant horizon, to remember that each day will be lighter a bit longer and to look for the little joys of the winter season. It will also help me to remember that, in the winter of a world pandemic, sometimes just to float will be enough.
There is light and there is cool and there is blue.
I’m swimming…I’m swimming.
Quietly, slowly, I push the water across my hand and down my body.
Though I feel as if I am covered in a web of a million tiny weighted threads, I am, if only so slightly, more buoyant.
And I am reminded that with even the smallest of intentions–even a little effort– I will not be pulled under. I will, at the very least, float.
And that is enough for today.
Internal Luminosity 
I really love reading you. This one has particularly touched me, as if I had needed to hear this today. I hope there will be lots more to read from you, I am looking forward to it : )
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Thank you so much, Fabienne. It feels so good to know that my thoughts, feelings and words are landing somewhere meaningful. And, yes, I think there’s still a whole lot more in me that needs to come out. 💖
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